Nightflying: The Entertainment Guide

Somewhere over the rainbow
Thousand Oaks, CA • Charles Hersel, 39, was arrested in November after police investigators overheard him offer $31 to a Westlake High School boy to spit in Hersel's face.

Morons on parade
Bloomington, MN • Travis Himmler, 22, was charged with burglary in November after allegedly stealing the cash register from the Golden Wok restaurant in and carrying it away on his bicycle, and was found down the street, injured, after taking a bad spill when the cash register cord got caught in the bike's spokes.

Love sucks
Findlay, OH • A woman recently called the police during an argument with her husband after he claimed that her daughter performed oral sex on him, "and the daughter was better at it."

Excrementum occurrum
Steamboat Springs, CO • Police were called to a report of a suspicious incident in the 2900 block of West Acres Drive where a woman reported that she found feces in her toilet that she did not think she put there.

The best laid plans…
Osaka, Japan • Engineering student Ken Kitamura, 19, drowned in the Yodogawa River in in August after he and several colleagues had constructed a prototype canoe made of concrete, and Kitamura was the first to try it out.

Get it when you can
Dallas, TX • A female art teacher at W.T. White High School in called the police on her student, Martin Guerrero, 17, whom she caught in the middle of class masturbating.

Emotions
Nagasaki, Japan • Police reported that truck driver Yuuki Oshima was recently arrested for a November 19th incident in which he urinated though the mail slot in a woman's apartment door, claiming that he did it out of "unrequited love."

What would Elvis do?
Memphis, TN • Memphis lawyer Mark Lambert was charged with biting off part of a man's nose in a men's room fight, coming to the aid of two other men who were allegedly monopolizing a stall for "other" purposes.

Instant karma
New York City • A hit man killed three, apparently for a drug debt, but botched his escape: while running away, he tripped over his baggy pants and fell, and was thereby forced into Plan B, which was the fire escape, but he fell three stories and landed dead.

What would Santa do?
Joplin, MO • Missouri troopers recently seized about 20 pounds of marijuana wrapped as Christmas gifts after pulling over a speeding car, and the driver was charged with possession with intent.

Issues
Kerrville, TX • Prosecutors will review the case of a woman authorities claim has called 91,130 times over six months for non-emergency reasons, including a call to complain that her husband refused to eat his dinner.

Yuletide appreciation
Sandusky, OH • A Taco Bell manager recently reported that a drunk man recently walked into the restaurant and handed him $72 for "just one taco", told the employees "Merry Christmas" and walked out.

True Love
Rimrock, AZ • Ronald Gene Oliver was recently charged with aggravated assault, kidnapping, criminal damage and domestic violence after he forced his girlfriend to let him cut off her finger with a sword to "earn his trust."'

Parents
Chattanooga, TN • April Wright reported that her 4-year-old son was picked up by authorities drinking a beer and wearing a little girl's pink dress, explaining that the child wanted to go to jail "because that's where his daddy is."

Education
Phoenix, AZ • Mary Segall was recently placed on leave after taking 40 high school students to a Hooters Restaurant for a banquet, explaining that the restaurant was the only place in the area large enough to accommodate the large group.

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