Nightflying: The Entertainment Guide

A time whose idea has come
London • Plagued by chilly beds during periods of cold weather, Holiday Inn began trials of having a human bed-warmer warm up guests' beds, noting that the 'warmer' will "be fully dressed and leave the bed before the guest occupies it."

Balls
Marlborough, NH • Police recently reported that a man and a woman are each facing prostitution charges, after the man reported to the police that he paid her for sex and then she refused.

The end is near
Canton, NC • The Rev. Marc Grizzard, of the Amazing Grace Baptist Church recently staged a public book-burning of "Satan's literature," that included works by Rev. Billy Graham and Mother Teresa, and any bible besides the original King James Bible.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Berkeley, CA • The Berkeley School Board recently began consideration of eliminating science labs from its curriculum, considering that since the classes serve mostly white students, they leave less money available for programs pertaining to underperforming minorities.

Life in America
Pasadena, CA • NPR recently reported that fake house-flies have begun appearing in urinals as an effort to keep restrooms cleaner, after private research showed that men using the urinals tended to aim for the fly, thus reducing the chance of missing the urinal altogher.

The long arm of the law
Boise, ID • Former prosecuting attorney Blake Hall, was recently fired after being convicted of harassing his ex-girlfriend by throwing at least 19 used condoms onto her lawn over a 10-day period.

Health-care crisis
Jacksonville, FL • An off-duty sheriff's deputy forgot to leave her service revolver outside when she took her mother to a hospital for an MRI, and the powerful magnet sucked her Glock away and trapped her hand between the machine the the gun, causing a lengthy period of down-time for the hospital said to have cost upwards of $150,000.

Guess who's coming to dinner
Hamilton, Ontario • During Thanksgiving dinner Lisa Blair and her six sisters began noticing suspicious specks in their food, only to realize that their neck lockets, which contained ashes from their mother's funeral from weeks earlier, were indeed leaking.

Do it for your country
Kelantan, Malaysia • The chairwoman of the Family and Health Committee officially proposed that all male legislators should take some of the country's 16,000 unmarried mothers that are now dependent on state support, as "additional wives" -permitted under Islam - to help improve the country's economy.

Morons on parade
Atlantic City, NJ • A woman and three men were recently charged with bank robbery, after they accidentally left the keys for their getaway car in the bank they had just robbed.

Protecting the children
Asheville, NC • Charles Diez was recently charged with attempted murder after he fired his gun at a bicyclist who he thought was carrying his 3-year-old child unsafely on his bike, grazing the man's helmet with the bullet.

Even teachers need love, too
Brownsville, TX • Assistant Principal James McKinney was recently arrested of accusations of soliciting sex from students using text messages.

Choosing poorly
East Knoxville, TN • Vincent Salters was recently arrested for shoplifting after dashing out of the store with an armful of shoes - that turned out to be all left-foot - after he came in the next day to inquire about purchasing several right-foot shoes only.

City services
Atlanta, GA • Municipal bus driver Leroy Matthews was recently suspended after an incident in which he suddenly stopped the bus and refused to even open the doors until the passengers joined hands and prayed with him.

Issues
Toledo, OH • Melodi Dushane was recently charged with punching out a McDonald's drive-through window after being told that Chicken McNuggets weren't available.

Excrementum occurrum
Tampa, FL • Margarita Velasco recently delivered twins born in separate years and separate decades, delivering Marcello just before midnight and his brother, Stefano, just after 2010 began.

Flying the friendly skies
New York City, NY • The New York Post recently reported that the Transportation Security Administration had confiscated more than 123,000 prohibited items in a two-month period at the three main airports in the city, including 43 explosives, a 10-point deer antler, 1600 knives, a tree branch, a set of nunchucks, a grill, a live baby alligator, a gassed-up chainsaw, a kitchen sink, and several unwashed adult toys.

Always…
Smithfield, PA • Craig David was recently charged with robbery and disorderly conduct after he entered a Wal-Mart wearing only a hospital gown, stole $50 from his ex-girlfriend and tried to flee the store on a motorized shopping scooter.

Accidents happen
Georgetown, KY • Rob Anderson, who recently won a Powerball prize of $128.6 million, announced recently that his winning ticket was actually a mistake, when he meant to purchase three $1 tickets as stocking stuffers, and the clerk instead rang up the $3 ticket which he was required to accept.

Murfreesboro, TN • Nathan Beasley was recently arrested after he passed out in his car at a gas station while a batch of methamphetimine was cooking in his back seat.

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