Nightflying: The Entertainment Guide

Dear Ed:
It has recently come to my attention that when it comes to our government I really don't have a clue who I can trust. This brings me down, as I was raised to be a patriotic American and it's hard to even fathom the notion that many of our democratically elected leaders are not honest people. Fact is, they earn much more than normal citizens so you'd think they'd be happy with their situation. It seems to me that the people deserve better than this - especially those who served in our armed services defending this country. I mean, what's this all about?
Signed,
Dumbfounded in Detroit

Dear Dumbfounded:
You only figured this out recently? Where have you been? And why do you think so many people run for office, especially Congress? The facts are simple: If someone gets into Congress they have a guaranteed pension for life worth millions, even if they're voted out after the first term. On top of this, former members of Congress are sought out and offered truly plushy jobs in 'private industry' due to their status and connections they made while in office. This is frequently true in other professions, but it's especially true for members of Congress. What's it all about? In my opinion it is the very system itself. In this "upwardly mobile" society folks are always looking to improve their lot financially. This in itself is certainly no crime, but it seems to me that when you have tasted riches you develop a yen to acquire even more, even if you don't need it. It's a never-ending cycle. To borrow from Will Rogers, "…a billion here and a billion there…pretty soon you're talking about real money…" He also coined the expression: "America has the best politicians that money can buy…" which says quite a lot.
Signed,
Just happy to be fed Ed

Dear Ed:
Are you really some kind of expert, or do you have them fooled at the paper? What are your credentials? And what do you look like? For that matter, what did you want to be when you grew up? Or is this it?
Signed,
Curious in Calico Rock

Dear Curious:
Personally I don't consider myself an expert at anything. Do I have them fooled? In the words of Sarah Palin, you betcha. For credentials I offer the fact that I have been writing advice columns for the better part of my life…much like Ann Landers and Dear Abby. My real credentials seem to be that I own my own computer and am very opinionated and have landed a great job sitting here spouting off. What did I want to be when I grew up? I really have no plans of ever aspiring to that lofty goal. I like being a kid and plan to stay this way as long as possible. Truth is, my goal at times was to become an astronaut. That obviously didn't work out so I settled for simply being a space cadet. And what do I look like? I haven't a clue. I did once hear my mother describe me as a cross between Woody Allen and John Lennon, though I personally have never seen the resemblance. I think I'm more a cross between Clark Gable and Albert Einstein, with a little Tiny Tim thrown in for good measure. I hope I have shed some light for you. If not, tough.
Signed,
Honest Ed

Dear Ed:
Is there really a magical Nightflying Compound? I recall certain descriptions in this column some issues ago that I find hard to believe, such as the notion that this establishment has enough electronics to affect the weather for several states around. If it is real, where exactly is it? I want to come there and experience it first-hand. I can play music, as I guess that's one of the criteria.
Signed,
Doubter in Deleware

Dear Doubter:
Yes there really is a Nightflying Compound and yes it has an array of electronics that can make your head swim. Whether or not this equipment affects the weather for several states around is mere conjecture on the part of certain operatives at NASA. They think it does so who am I to argue with that? We are told what we can and cannot disclose due to national security issues. More than that I cannot say. As far as our location, that must remain secret as maintaining privacy is of the utmost importance. Again, it's a matter of the security of our nation, I am told, by the higher ups. To visit this compound requires an actual invitation, which can only be extended after you, your family, all your ex- and current lovers, all your friends and your enemies, and even your pets have passed security clearances at the highest level of government. Fact is, very few people are ever able to handle this. When most folks see the criteria they tend to refuse, especially the DNA and blood tests required to even get past the first steps of the process. Suffice it to say that we tend to guard our own security as well, and to be frank, we like it this way. In other words, no, you can't come over and play.
Signed,
Alone at large Ed

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