Nightflying: The Entertainment Guide

Dear Ed:
I want to know just what the hell is going on here. Every time I recognize I have a problem I just can't solve and decide to write for you advice, you have the answer in the paper, before I even get a chance to write to you. It's happened so often that I'm truly freaked out. Are you reading my mind? What gives?
Signed,
Spooked in Memphis

Dear Spooked:
Yes, actually, I am reading your mind. You must realize that by dwelling on something, in this case your problems, you are, essentially, broadcasting your thoughts and feelings into the cosmic field that is the synergy of all life on Earth, indeed the universe itself. It is what we refer to as quantum social physics. And yes, a flea sneezing in China really can cause a tidal wave in Bermuda, and vice versa. Anyway, Spooked, drop me a line and let me know how things are in the Bluff City.
Signed,
Prescient Ed

Dear Ed:
I just made a trip to Memphis and saw the sign as you go into town claiming Memphis is the home of the blues and the birthplace of rock 'n' roll. I thought Cleveland was the birthplace of rock 'n' roll, and that Chicago was the home of the blues. Please clarify this as I have a $5000 bet riding on it. We decided to let your answer settle our wager. Counting on you…
Signed,
Louis from St. Louis

Dear Louis from St. Louis:
I've seen that sign, too, and have done a great deal of study on this subject. What you say is true that the actual term "rock 'n' roll" was coined by a disc jockey from Cleveland named Alan Freed in 1951. And the truth is that when the great Memphis blues musicians were actually plying their trades in Memphis, mostly on Beale Street, the area was considered by 'polite society' to be a dangerous slum, from which visitors should be steered away. The same thing is true for the famed South Side of Chicago, where much of this original American music was created.
    But the thing is, who's to really decide? It is true that there are many, many great blues musicians in Memphis and the city has embraced the music as its "own". And as far as rock and roll, I personally feel that rock 'n' roll resides in the soul.
    Depending on the outcome of your wager, my mailing address is P.O. Box 250276, Little Rock, AR 72225. I'm assuming you plan to mail me a commission for settling your bet.
Signed,
Definitive Ed

Dear Ed:
    You recently made the statement that "human body lard" would burn similar to oil. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It's also quite insulting to those of us who are, shall we say, voluptuous, not to mention it is not politically correct to discuss people with weight problems. Are you an insensitive clod? Do you really think that this sort of thing is funny? You should be ashamed of yourself for promoting such a thing. I'm here to tell you that people with weight problems are some of the most caring and considerate people in the world, and it doesn't help if clods such as you make light of their unfortunate situations. Nobody likes to be over-weight, and most simply can't help it. I expect you to make a full apology. In the future please keep any opinions you have to yourself. We don't need your input.
Signed,
Mallory S. Trimble
Neosho, MO

Dear Mallory:
Actually body fat can indeed be burned as a fuel. Look it up. And depending on its make-up, i.e., if it is from typical junk-food that so many fat people eat, it should be no different than that grease enterprising entrepreneurs steal from behind fast-food joints and turn into bio-diesel fuel. Again, it seems that I've hit a nerve regarding this subject, judging by the sheer volume of mail I have received since that column. In regards to your statement that "nobody likes to be over-weight," I have to disagree. Many 'large' people stay that way on purpose, for it becomes a handy excuse for being unable to do many things. In my humble opinion, the issue here is, essentially, a person's self-image, combined with poor lifestyle choices and sheer laziness. If a slob wishes to be a slob, you say that's their business. I feel that it is everybody's business, actually, for it is essentially unhealthy…and unhealthy people in society degrade the overall quality of the human race. I stand by my original opinions.
Signed,
Understanding Ed

Dear Ed:
Do you really think that human body "blubber" as you call it could be turned into fuel? And if there is a way to recover it for use, how would that occur?
Signed,
'Tiny' LaFever
Bartlesville, OK

Dear 'Tiny':
Again I must say that yes, I think this is indeed viable. Granted, recovered body fat would have to be processed, but so then is everything we use for fuel. While not personally familiar with the actual process of converting body fat into usable fuel, I know that discarded oil from the making of French fries is turned into bio-diesel every day. Perhaps we, as Americans, could seriously curtail the importing of foreign oil by using liposuction. In looking around at society at large (no pun intended), it occurs to me that we probably have a large reserve of our own kind of oil. It's food for thought…
Signed,
Only trying to help Ed

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